The following are the definitive "Plastic Jesus" lyrics and then some, from Bo Parker's posting to alt.guitar.tab last March - optional chords in parentheses : (7) Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations,
We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.
cho: Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus (D7) Riding on the dashboard of my car (7) Through all trials and tribulations, (#dim7) We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.
I don't care if it rains or freezes 's long as I've got my Plastic Jesus Glued to the dashboard of my car, You can buy Him phosphorescent Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant, Take Him with you when you're travelling far.
I don't care if it's dark or scary, Long as I have magnetic Mary, Ridin' on the dashboard of my car, I feel I'm protected amply, I've got the whole damn Holy Family, Riding on the dashboard of my car.
You can buy a Sweet Madonna Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a Pedestal of abalone shell, Goin' ninety, I'm not wary 'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary, Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell.
I don't care if it bumps or jostles Long as I got the Twelve Apostles Bolted to the dashboard of my car Don't I have a pious mess Such a crowd of holiness Strung across the dashboard of my car
No, I don't care if it rains or freezes, Long as I have my plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car, But I think he'll have to go, His magnet ruins my radio, And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar.
Riding through the thoroughfare, with his nose up in the air A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind Trouble coming, he don't see, he just keeps his eyes on me And any other thing that lies behind Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus, riding on the dashboard of my car Though the sun shines on his back makes him peel, chip, and crack A little patching keeps him up to par
When pedestrians try to cross I let them know whose boss I never blow my horn or give them warning I ride all over town, trying to run them down And it's seldom that they live to see the morning Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car His halo fits just right and I use it as a sight And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far
When I'm in a traffic jam he don't care if I say Damn I can let all sorts of curses roll Plastic Jesus doesn't hear, for he has a plastic ear The man who invented plastic saved my soul Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus riding on the dashboard of my car Once his robe was snowy white, now it isn't quite so bright Stained by the smoke of my cigar
God made Christ a Holy Jew God made Him a Christian too Paradoxes populate my car Joseph beams with a feigned elan Famous cuckold in the master plan;
Naughty Mary, smug and smiling, Jesus dainty and beguiling Knee-deep in the piling of my van; His message clear by night or day My phosphorescent plastic Gay Simpering from the dashboard of my van.
When I'm goin' fornicatin' I got my ceramic Satan Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home The women know I'm on the level Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil Ridin' on the dashboard of my ... Sneerin' from the dashboard of my ... Leering from the dashboard of my van.
If I weave around at night And the police think I'm tight, They'll never find my bottle, though they ask; plastic Jesus shelters me, For His head comes off, you see-- He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask.
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car: Ride with me and have a dram, Of the blood of the Lamb, Plastic Jesus is a holy bar.
Thanks to Bo Parker at NASA for this epic compilation.
Geoff Bowerman
Here's my definitive set of P.J. lyrics:
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Here's the complete set of "Plastic Jesus" lyrics
Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes, Long as I have my plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Through all trials and tribulations, We will travel every nation, With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.
cho: Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Through all trials and tribulations, We will travel every nation, With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.
I don't care if it rains or freezes 's long as I've got my Plastic Jesus Glued to the dashboard of my car, You can buy Him phosphorescent Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant, Take Him with you when you're travelling far.
I don't care if it's dark or scary, Long as I have magnetic Mary, Ridin' on the dashboard of my car, I feel I'm protected amply, I've got the whole damn Holy Family, Riding on the dashboard of my car.
You can buy a Sweet Madonna Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a Pedestal of abalone shell, Goin' ninety, I'm not wary 'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary, Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell.
I don't care if it bumps or jostles Long as I got the Twelve Apostles Bolted to the dashboard of my car Don't I have a pious mess Such a crowd of holiness Strung across the dashboard of my car
No, I don't care if it rains or freezes, Long as I have my plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car, But I think he'll have to go, His magnet ruins my radio, And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar.
Riding through the thoroughfare, with his nose up in the air A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind Trouble coming, he don't see, he just keeps his eyes on me And any other thing that lies behind Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus, riding on the dashboard of my car Though the sun shines on his back makes him peel, chip, and crack A little patching keeps him up to par
When pedestrians try to cross I let them know whose boss I never blow my horn or give them warning I ride all over town, trying to run them down And it's seldom that they live to see the morning Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car His halo fits just right and I use it as a sight And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far
When I'm in a traffic jam he don't care if I say Damn I can let all sorts of curses roll Plastic Jesus doesn't hear, for he has a plastic ear The man who invented plastic saved my soul Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus riding on the dashboard of my car Once his robe was snowy white, now it isn't quite so bright Stained by the smoke of my cigar
God made Christ a Holy Jew God made Him a Christian too Paradoxes populate my car Joseph beams with a feigned elan Famous cuckold in the master plan;
Naughty Mary, smug and smiling, Jesus dainty and beguiling Knee-deep in the piling of my van; His message clear by night or day My phosphorescent plastic Gay Simpering from the dashboard of my van.
When I'm goin' fornicatin' I got my ceramic Satan Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home The women know I'm on the level Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil Ridin' on the dashboard of my ... Sneerin' from the dashboard of my ... Leering from the dashboard of my van.
If I weave around at night And the police think I'm tight, They'll never find my bottle, though they ask; plastic Jesus shelters me, For His head comes off, you see-- He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask.
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car: Ride with me and have a dram, Of the blood of the Lamb, Plastic Jesus is a holy bar.
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Enjoy!
-Bo Parker
"Any particular reason why you got a picture of a drag queen on a Shetland pony licking a flaming banjo on your chest?"
